Plus the one hour drive from Palma and the one hour of getting lost thus making for a spectacular effort for somewhat humble reward. It wasn’t even a fancy goat, not ‘messengers from the gods’ animal status like the deer of Nara.

During our stay in Majorca we decided to visit Cala Boquer beach. Matt’s sister had visited earlier that year and her pictures, as well as google, really sold it. It was hot, humid and seemed like a F*** tonne of effort for a relaxing beach day but the promise of a pristine cove with sparkling aqua water was incredibly enticing. 

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Our adventure commenced with getting lost, I’m not the best navigator but even this was beyond my usual hopelessness. We ended up driving up a mountain to the Cap de Formentor lookout, which was a pleasant detour I must admit, See Mallorca pens a good review of this area. After we hit a dead end we headed back down into the town, parked up and tried to find the path to the beach on foot. What we actually found was a long path, through a residential area to another dead end. Not wanting to admit defeat we retraced our steps – determined to find our way. I noticed a couple wearing exercise gear and discussed with Matt – ‘people in gym gear on holidays always know where they’re going let’s follow them’. Turns out they were just going for a walk but they did lead us to the car park and entrance of Cala Boquer by chance proving my theory – always follow people in gym gear – don’t blame me if you get arrested. In case you were wondering there was also a huge sign which we had passed probably three times – more proof I should never be allowed to navigate. Alas, there were no parks and we had to find a park further down the street. 

Anyway we had finally made it! But there were another 40 minutes of hiking before we were to hit paradise. The terrain was dry, rocky and sandy. It was also humid, plus 30 degrees and the sun was radiating off all of the rocks we were climbing over. About 15 minutes in, passing several people coming back (why didn’t they warn us!) we spotted our first mountain goat in the distance, it felt like a beacon of hope, a symbol of the grand beauty to come! It wasn’t. That was as good as it got.

We eventually climbed to a point where we could see the ocean in the distance and started making our descent. I cannot express how much I was looking forward to a swim at this point, I had uncharacteristically offered to carry the backpack for the walk making it even more hot and uncomfortable. I was tired and sore and the thought of a picnic and a dip was the only thing keeping me going. We finally made it to the cove, and it wasn’t quite the same as what was promised to us.

There were a couple of people just milling around, rough seas, rubbish dumped everywhere and because it was windy and hot it was really hazy. Now I can appreciate it just wasn’t the ideal conditions for it, but could we still brave a swim? After considering it we decided we would likely be injured, a huge log that had somehow become stuck in the water was predicting our fate if we tried – the way it was constantly smashing up against the rocks violently again and again was enough to put us off.

We did see a single goat hanging about though, it drew all the tourists as we all competed to take goat pictures and justify our epic adventures to get there. After 20 minutes of goat picture-taking and borderline goat harassment as the other tourists fed it their planned picnic – and I am pleased to report this goat was not at all aggressive, like the fancy deer of Nara , we prepared ourselves for the long hike back to the car. Which was frustratingly not parked in the car park entrance so we knew we had an extra 15 mins in the blistering heat after we finished the hike to look forward to.

On the way back I considered warning the people we passed to turn around and go back, just as no one had warned us – perhaps they were being polite. I did not. I remembered everyone has a different perspective, and a rough, hot, windy, polluted day at Cala Boquer may have been a waste of time for us but for others they could have seen some beauty in it. Not really, it was shit and I should have warned them, the karma gods surely paid me back for that one.

Once we made it to the car, we decided to drive around in the air conditioning for 20 minutes instead of our desired swim because we were just that hot. Then we stopped at a supermarket and bought ice blocks, I don’t think I’ve done that since I was a child but it was literally the best thing that happened all day – apart from the goat of course.

I have faith that Cala Boquer is absolutely stunning on other days, so I would recommend a visit but please take some advice from my learnings:

• Research weather, beach conditions before going (didn’t even think of it – European beaches are always perfect in summer yeh?)
• Google maps is not very straightforward for this area, so do some prior navigation research, or just keep your eyes open for the giant sign and don’t rely on a navigator that has no idea…
• Wear comfortable shoes, I can’t actually remember what shoes I wore but I can guarantee they wouldn’t have been hike appropriate and I probably (definitely) whinged the whole way
• Just go anyway, even if it is a bad day you will get some exercise, likely see a goat and get a healthy dose of vitamin D – that’s not a bad thing right?